The first time I ever measured my food intake via the Weight Watchers Points system I tracked 117 Points. There was an apple pie in the fridge, and as a stress eater on the first day of a new diet I ate it all. That day I’d planned to simply track what I ate, just to see where I was coming from. Doing the math was a wake-up call.
Back then I didn’t consciously think about what I ate. At best, I measured food on a vague mental sliding scale that moved between “probably too much,” ” too much,” and “I don’t care anymore.” I’d even eat stuff I didn’t want, simply because it was there. I was wired to look at a plate of cookies and think, “I like that food. It’s there. I should want it,” regardless of how hungry I was or wasn’t, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it until it was gone. Not gone as in thrown out, either. Gone as in consumed. By me.
In 23 weeks I’ve lost 27 pounds and have much healthier eating habits, but even now, all those old feelings and sensations are still in me. I still want to eat like crazy when I’m stressed. I still see a plate of cookies and want to eat them because it’s a treat and I should want to. But they’ve quieted a little. Turning down the volume means that going crazy on food is eating 10-20 Points over my allotment, instead of 80 or 90. That’s progress. Really slow progress, but progress nonetheless.
I think of all that as I’m now adjusting to another phase in my weight-loss journey. The phase where I have only 26 Points of food per day. I’m nervous because I’m not quite sure what to do with that yet. I started out with 31 Points a day and I could make that almost without trying. As I’ve lost weight I’ve managed to stay on track by making small changes. Twenty-six points though seems like a big change, and a difficult one.
I have to recalibrate and fine tune my habits in a new way. It’s still an effort for me to eat veggies, to not go over points after 5 o’clock, and to stay on the treadmill 5-6 times a week. Now I have to consciously eat even less. I’m not sure I’m ready to do that yet, so for this week I’m just sticking to the treadmill and veggie goals, no weight loss necessary (or likely, for that matter). It’s going to take me at least that long to just emotionally get ready for a change that’s going to be harder than the last one.
It’s a good thing that apple pie is long gone.
*Archived from June 2010